This is what happens when Firefox and Pocket recommend articles for me to read.  Sadly, I am an Internet junkie–I was addicted to the Internet long before the concept of Internet addiction came into existence–and I had to read the blog with their 18 questions.  Unfortunately, I can’t take the questions–or myself–seriously, so I thought I would give you my honest (and hopefully, amusing) answers.

You may be wondering how I expect to improve myself with my bad attitude.  I really don’t.  If I wanted to improve myself, I would swear off computers for good and go live in a cave.  But I can’t, and I don’t.  Look, I’m now playing Age of Empires: Castle Siege, and trying to beat the shit out of other kingdoms.

Oh yeah…questions.  Here goes:

1. In one sentence, who are you?

Look, is this a trick question?  Now, I have The Who’s lyrics running through my brain:

I woke up in a Soho doorway
A policeman knew my name
He said you can go sleep at home tonight
If you can get up and walk away

—Who Are You by The Who, written by Peter Townshend. 

Okay, I’m The Rational Heathen.  Enough said.

2. In one word, what do you live for?

10 million dollars.  Okay, that’s three words.

I kind of like: Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of the women.

Yeah, I kind of like that. And I know that’s 15 words.

3. What is worth the pain?

Pain?  Are you serious?  Fuck that shit.

I guess it depends on your definition of pain.  If you’re talking childbirth-pain, I opted out of that.  So, the next question of mine would be: what kind of pain are we talking about?  You mean muscle strains?  That’s pretty minor.  Are you talking broken bones?  Been there. Dog bites?  Yeah, I’ve got holes in my arms.  Accidents?  Waking up in the hospital with tubes hanging out of you is no fun.  So, what is worth that?

My point is that there is pain and there are annoying inconveniences. Pain is something that warns you to not do something stupid.  Stuff that causes annoying inconveniences can be dealt with.  So, pain is relative.

I’m not saying to not strive for lofty goals.  Hels bells, I’m one of those who have done some pretty hair-raising shit and lived, but the reality is that if you’re truly committed to a particular goal, the effort it takes will pale in comparison to the prize.  The problem is when you sacrifice yourself, your morals, and your family to achieve that goal. In other words, you shouldn’t destroy yourself over an obsession.

4.  What will you never give up on?

Chocolate.  There, I’ve said it.

This question is like the previous question.  There are things you will stick to and things you will let go of.  Be aware that some things should be given up when they’re a lost cause or an obsession.  You can’t always will things to go your way.

That is a lesson I have learned the hard way.

5. What do you always try to avoid?

Filling out forms and doing bookkeeping.  I hate it.

6. What is something you take for granted every day?

Sleep.

7. What do you need most right now?

Ten million dollars.  Oh, and sleep.

8. What would you immediately do differently if you knew no one would judge you?

Are we talking legal judging?  Or are we talking societal pressures here?  If it is legal judging, I know of several assholes who would get a serious smackdown.  And they deserve it.

As for societal pressures, hmmm.  I don’t give a shit what people think about me.  It’s pretty obvious.

9.  What’s something nobody could ever steal from you?

Can’t take the sky from me.

10.  Who would you like to forgive right now?

Oh, there’s a Christian thing here.  You know, I have very little forgiveness left.  Those I’ve wanted to forgive, I’ve already forgiven.  Those I have not forgiven, I won’t because I don’t trust them to behave any differently.  At the same time, I don’t stay awake thinking about what they’ve done.  They’re gone from my life.

11.  Happiness is not __________?

Getting your teeth pulled out.  Unless you are in pain from a bunch of rotten teeth.  Then, you might be happy.  Or a masochist.

12. What impact do you want to leave on the people you love?

Sounds painful.  How about a good story?

13.Life is too  short to tolerate _________?

Assholes.  And bad olive oil.  In that order.

14.   What’s something that used to scare you but no longer does?

Birds.

Seriously.  Back in high school, crows used to fly at me.  Guess I pissed off Odin sometime.  Now I’ve handled birds from quail to large raptors.

15. What do you want to remember forever?

How about just remember?  Probably where I left my keys.

16.  What do you always look forward to?

Hunting season.

17.  What recently reminded you how fast time flies?

Oh, thanks for reminding me of this.  My upcoming birthday.

18. What’s something everyone should be able to say before they die?

Dinner was good.

Okay, so I’m not so deep.  Maybe you have better answers than I do.