relationship with gods Archives — The Rational Heathen

Being Chosen by a God or Goddess

December 28, 2017 Tyra Ulfdottir Comments 10 comments

Happy Yule Folks! I hope you’re having a wonderful Yule season.

I’ve talked about being bitch-slapped by the gods and being chosen. Apparently there are a couple of posts that talk about toxic relationships with deities and how one shouldn’t call it chosen, but called.

Semantics.

So, let’s talk about what I think is happening, as one who got a rather loud and sudden cho…ahem, calling.

My Own Experience (tl;dr: If you know the story, skip to the next section)

I was a deist/agnostic going on atheist. I am a skeptic, which made the following story a bit hard to deal with. I had rune sets before I became Heathen (long story, that), have had dreams that have come true, and have an unnatural power with animals. (My husband swears that 500 years ago I would’ve been burned at the stake.)

So, one night several years ago I was casting runes (okay, yeah, it seems odd that an agnostic would do this) and after getting an answer, asked who was telling me this. The first rune I pulled out was Tyr’s: ᛏ. Then, I pulled out three more. They spelled: ᚦᛟᚱ.

I was stunned. I knew all about the Norse gods and goddesses from my study of the myths and legends, but have not one, but two talk to me? Seriously? That night I did some soul searching. Was this a joke? Did I read into something that didn’t really happen? I felt confused. Then, I started hearing Tyr in my mediations and dreams. Boy, howdy, did that confuse me even more. Eventually I turned to other Heathens who were able to help me sort it out.

When You Don’t Pick Up the Phone When a God Calls You

My experience with the gods wasn’t something that I was particularly looking for. (Although someone might successfully argue why I was asking who was sending me messages, let alone playing with runes.) I now recognize that I received “callings” in the past, but I was too clueless to recognize them. And even if I had, at certain parts of my life when I was younger I was a serious Roman Catholic.

When a god or goddess really wants you, calling just might not be enough. Humans are notoriously dense sometimes and sometimes it takes one grabbing the person by the scruff of the neck, picking him or her up, and shouting “look at me!” If you’ve had that experience, after you’ve changed your pants, you know the god or goddess has chosen you. You’ve maybe received “calls,” but apparently you’ve never made the connection.

Abusive, or Something Else?

Those of us who do have gods who have laid claim to them can probably attest to the suddenness of the encounter. In some cases, the gods are bullies and should be avoided at all costs, but in many cases, that isn’t the situation at all. It’s not that the god or goddess is abusive or bullying, it’s just that they haven’t gotten that person’s attention, for whatever reason, aka cluelessness. So, being deities, they do things in big ways when the small ways don’t work.

That being said, I never advocate entering a relationship with a god or goddess until you understand what they want from you and figure out how they’re going to treat you. I set ground rules with Tyr from the get-go and he was fine with them. I understand that it reduces my contact with him, but at the same time, it is a safe relationship.

Ground Rules for Dealing with Relationships with Deities (and

Anything Else)

Never enter into a relationship with an abusive being (deity, human, or supernatural)
If a deity tells you to do something against your morals, something that harms you or other people, or something that puts you or others in peril, don’t do it and break off communication.
If a deity tells you to do something against the law, don’t do it and break off communication.
If the deity hurts you physically, spiritually, or emotionally, get out of that relationship.
If a deity bullies you, get out of the relationship.
Set ground rules immediately. Don’t get yourself lost in a relationship with a god/goddess.

Obviously there might be exceptions, but these are good guidelines. For one thing, you might not be talking to a deity but may be dealing with a mental illness. In this case, seek psychiatric help. Even if the deity lays claim to you, you can refuse the claim and get out. Sometimes seeking another, more benevolent deity who is willing to intercede on your behalf will protect you.

My point to all this is that just because a deity chooses you, it doesn’t necessarily make it a toxic relationship. What I’ve found is that quite often being chosen is simply a way for the god or goddess to make themselves known. You have to choose back, too.

For years I didn’t understand/trust Skadi. I knew her as a dangerous goddess. But I didn’t understand that for as dangerous as she is, she is also kind in her own way. We have a bond that goes back decades (gods, I just admitted I’m old) but it took work to establish a — dare I say it? — friendship. Tyr and I are closer because of my very nature, but Skadi is becoming a goddess I speak to more and more.

I hope this helps anyone chosen by a god or goddess. Let me know about your own encounters.

The Gods are Not Your Bitches

June 1, 2016 Tyra Ulfdottir Comments 0 Comment

It’s nice to see someone in the pagan community agree with me, even though they said it nicer than I did. The gods, whether you think of them as people or metaphors, don’t necessarily jump when you ask them to jump. They don’t necessarily do things because you whined at them. And they certainly aren’t our bitches who show up because we called to them.

Connecting with Gods

Connecting with the gods is a personal thing, In My Not So Humble Opinion (IMNSHO), and each connection is as different as it is for each individual to be different. How you related to one god isn’t necessarily how I relate to him. I think it has to do with who we are and how we got to this point. Tyr, for example, doesn’t really pop in, raid the refrigerator, and open up a bottle of mead on the counter at my house. If he does at your house, please tell me. I’d be mighty curious about that. I’d be surprised. (Now, if it were Loki, I’d expect that.) Some folks claim to have real life experiences. I’ve only had one, and that made me question my sanity. (Meeting Odin on the street — seriously.)

It’s not my place to tell you how to connect with gods, but I might offer some advice: They aren’t your bitches, and most aren’t interested in you unless you bring something to the table. Occasionally, a few of us hear the call and say “what the fuck?” That happened to me, but I realize that having such experiences can be uncommon, not the rule when it comes to the gods.

My Own (Limited) Experience

I think the gods tend to be a bit more mindful about our pasts when we “connect” with them. As a follower of Tyr, he’s my main go-to god for just about everything. That being said, sometimes I realize that other gods are more suitable to my petitions, but I really don’t know them that well.

Tyr knows I have a lot of baggage from religion and childhood. If I have a fault, it is I lean pretty heavily on him from time to time. It’s mostly just moral support, but occasionally it’s a “I need this” kind of request. Yeah, it comes from growing up Roman Catholic and being shoved into the “pray to god to help you” mentality. Realistically, I know that Tyr is not the god for that sort of thing, but when I have shit raining down, he gets an earful. Because I look at him like a friend. Sometimes I just get a sympathetic ear and not much more. Sometimes I get help. Sometimes another god pops into my life because he or she is better at helping me. If anything, I now have five gods/goddesses that I offer blots and talk to.

That’s how I relate to the gods. I wasn’t looking to go back to being a theist, so I kind of have the opinion that because they found me, they knew what kind of package they were picking up. Lately, when I bemoaned not being able to talk to the wights with someone who actually does a fair amount of work with them, I learned some things and actually got some positive things happen. Okay, so I’m a bit agnostic on them still, but they’re included. And I get a more positive feeling from them.

Why We Demand Help

I often talk about Christianity, mainly because I can’t get away from my Christian upbringing. If you were raised Heathen, Pagan, or with another religion that wasn’t derived from the Abrahamic religions, you probably don’t have the same reliance that many who have left those faiths have to their gods. We’ve been spoon fed a pack of lies since we could understand words. It’s not our parents’ faults, per se, they’ve been as brainwashed as we have since their childhood. There’s a good reason for them to teach us Christianity’s teachings, too. The fear of their hell and eternal torment makes even the toughest guy in the room quake.

So, we’re taught very early on that god will provide. That god will care for us. That everything will work out to god’s plan. And when stuff goes our way, we praise god. When shit happens — and it does happen to good people, and even the best followers of the Christian god — we tell ourselves that it was god’s plan, or maybe they weren’t really that good. Because a kind and just god wouldn’t allow that to happen, would he?

So, we beg for good things to happen to us. That we get that raise, get accepted to that school, get a job, find a significant other, heal someone or ourselves, or win the lottery. The reality is that unless we get off our butts and do something, it’s unlikely we’re going to see positive results. That’s where that old saying “god helps those who help themselves” most likely got started. Well, whether you should maybe claim it as a god’s victory is questionable. I’d argue that every victory is your own, and if the gods help you out, you should be thankful for their aid, but you’re the one who really made it happen.

The Gods are Not Our Bitches

If we look at the gods as strictly archetypes or metaphors for the universe that surrounds us, we can pretty much deduce they don’t need us, although we’re already heavily reliant on them. We rely on Sif and Freyr for growing things, Thor for our thunderstorms (i.e. rain), Sunna for our light, Mani for more than just a shining orb above us at night, but may have had to do with actual life, Tyr for our laws, both human made and natural, Odin for our creation, and so forth. My point is we rely on them for a lot already, so calling them down to aid us, especially when we have no rapport with them, seems a little self centered. If we consider them entities, so much more so.

If you have a relationship with a god or gods, chances are you already know your boundaries. If you’re looking for help and you only have relationship with one or two gods, maybe they’re the first should hear your plea and then see what they say. Other gods most likely need some type of introduction and probably a pretty decent relationship before one can ask for things from them.

When we understand that they’re entities (or at least metaphors) with their own agendas, we can see that our gods aren’t the Christian vending machine that our society has come to expect.